We have a winner!!!!

This is great!!!! It starts off a little slow, but the comedy picks up in it.

Crazy dog treats.....

I asked Jennifer if she would get the dogs some treats at the store, so she picked up new treats called Fortune Snookies. They are supposed to be fortune cookie type things for dogs. On each treat it has a fortune on it. The first 1 I saw said "the cat will be going to the vet soon!!!!"

What kind of fortune is that for my cat??? Damn them for trying to wish bad things on my poor pussy.

Amazed that I have a cat since I never talk about her. Well she kind of sticks to herself and doesn't really bother anyone, well unless she needs food. If that's the case, she'll be purring all over you.

I got nothing....

Sometimes things happen in life and when those things happen I usually can throw a smart ass comment around and make light of the situation. But rarely can I not joke about something. Unfortunitly one of things happened this weekend. I don't even know how to approach how to deal with it. Saying I'm sorry just won't cut, nothing I can say will work. I just don't know how to approach this subject.

And if your wondering, this has nothing to do with me and I don't think I will tell you what it is.

Another reason to love Price is Right

I'm funny...

Please understand that I hate the manager from the Long John Silvers from next door to my store. Hate a strong word, but I don't like him. He treats his people like poop, runs a dirty restaurant, and also is super arrigant, yeah I know I can't spell.

So he notices there is a police officer in my store, the cop was just getting some food. Thinking that something bad is going down, the Long John's manager waddles over and checks in to see no one is dead. He checks it out and then steps up and says hi to me and he notices that according to him I've lost some weight. He asks what my secret to losing the weight was. I told him it was meth, cause meth takes the weight out real fast. He left right after that.

Finally...

Earth Day is over and I can get back to treating it like shit and showing it who is in charge. Yeah earth your my bitch.

Ehhhh

Went to the race, it's to loud and it sucked. Here's some video, enjoy, no crashes though. It was so bad the drivers couldn't even make it through the first lap with out crashing. Oh btw it's my camera phone, get over it

Dear....

Dear Phoenix Radio Station,

I don't claim to know everything about radio, but I know a little more then the average person. But I do know this. Why during your morning show do you think it's a good idea to play HORSE live on the air? Yes the basketball game horse. I understand that you're going to give away tickets to the basketball game to someone, but playing it on the air, come on there isn't anything more boring. The on air talent are representing 1 listener each during the game and then shooting away. Honestly I need to put a gun to my head. It's sad that people like this are working in Phoenix when there are more talented people out there.

Jennifer vs. Printer

Here's how a typical interaction between Jennifer and the computer printer goes down. In advance, please know that the printer isn't plugged in 24/7. If you want to use it, you have to plug it in. If you're wondering why I don't leave it in, cause I don't have the plugs for it and it shares the same socket with my lap top.

Ok, back to the story. So Jennifer will hit the print button. Nothing will print since it's not plugged in, so what will she do. She will hit print 5 more times. That will make it work right??? Nope. Then she must notice it's not plugged in. So she will plug it in and print out 1 copy of it and then unplug it. So the next time I go to use the printer, there is 4 copies of what Jennifer was trying to print. Usually it will be on sticker paper and it will drive me nuts. Maybe some day she will figure it out, probably not.

Preparing for the worst day of my life...

This saturday I have to do the unthinkable, I have to go to a neck car race. Remember, no one hates that shit more then me, and I mean no one. So in preperation of my pain, I'm going to tell you over the next couple of days why I hate it so much.

The first reason is because there are so many damn people at it. I really hate crowds and to be around that many people is going to drive me nuts. Luckily most neck car fans are nicely groomed and have good cleaning habits. Oh wait they don't. And I'm going to be surrounded by them all. Shit!!!!

Not so real world....

Oh joy, the cast of Real World Las Vegas is going to do it again 5 years after they left MTV. The same crew, the same hotel, the same room, are all coming together again to do another season of Real World. That's the last season I payed attention to the real world, cause the women on the show were freaks. I love one of them!!! It's not Trischelle, she was a whore!!! I loved Brynn. Look how cute she is and she loves to fuck!!!! Well I think she does!!!! But she does like chicks, well I think so.

AAHHH AHHHHHHHH!!!

15 years ago a comedy legend passed away, Sam Kinison. He life was taken by a drunk driver and I will never forgive that person. I'll never forget where I was when I found out. My mom woke me up that saturday morning and told me the bad news. It took a little time for it to sink in cause she had just woken me up.

I consider myself lucky. I was only 16 at the time that he died, but even at 16 I had seen Sam in concert 4 times. He always was playing in Vegas over Memorial Day weekend and that was the time of year that we visited Vegas, so I always pushed to go see him. The first show I ever went to was like an 11pm show at Bally's hotel. I was either 13 or 14, I don't remember, hell I might of even of been 12, but I was there. If this was any other night in Vegas, I would of been asleep at that time of the night and with the time difference between Vegas and home. But not that night, I couldn't wait. He had 3 guys on before him and then Sam hit the stage. He was great that night.

Later on in life I acquired a signed Sam album and I got it framed and it hangs in my office to this day to remind of someone that was taken early. I could go on and on about him and what happened, but I don't want to bore you to death.

Crime in D.C......no way

I'm watching the D-backs vs. Nationals game today, what a great way to spend an easter. So while I'm watching it the whole time you can hear a faint police siren in the background. Is it that bad in D.C. that a police siren is going at all time? Must be!

Remember when.....

Remeber this guy, John Walker Lindh? He was the American Taleban member and they locked him away for a bunch of years. Well now his dad is trying to get his sentence reduced. Ok, whatever!!! No matter how you feel about it, let's remember the goofy ass pictures they took of him. Now that's comedy!!!!

He looks like the Unibomber when they found him

Dear.....

Dear Lady at the Grocery Store,

Yeah sometimes a woman can look good wearing a sports uniform. To bad that isn't you. What makes it even worse is the fact that you are wearing a Bartolo Colon jersey. A Indians jersey?? No. Maybe a Angels jersey??? Nope. She was sporting a Bartolo Colon White Soxs jersey. Real fucking nice, his best team ever!!!! Please go meet the Natron Means jersey wearing guy and you both can go to the obscure dance as a couple.

FUCK PHOENIX!!!

I swear Phoenix is trying to cock block me. They've taken away all pay per hour hotel rooms. How am I supposed to get my grove on with hookers??? FUCK!!! So will I have to get a room for a whole night which costs more then by the hour. Or will I have to get a bigger car so I can fuck in the back seat. Or will I just have to get out and fuck in some alley. This isn't good news and I don't know why the city did this???? My hooker consumption will definitly go down now cause of this. The city is taking away money from these ladies. How are these whores supposed to get there crack now??? Thos fuckers!!!!!

Why......

Why I love Showtime.....

I couldn't find anything to watch tonight so I went to the 500's and looked over the movie channels. HBO usually runs a Star Wars movie, but none of them were on tonight. So I went a little further and guess what I found, Alabama Jones and and the Busty Crusade!!! JACKPOT!!!!!!

Here's how it's described:

Movie (2005) Nikki Nova, Katie James, Cheyenne Silver. Three beautiful explorers enter a jungle to search for an idol that turns women into sexual slaves. Adult (AC, AL).


Well they must of found the idol early in the movie cause I've watched for 5 minutes and here's how it went. Lesbian 3 way, a little chit chat, and then a bon fire where 3 girls are naked and doing pole dancing, without the pole.

Thank you Showtime. You really saved me tonight from doing something stupid like watch the news.

I'm funny!!!!

So I have this customer and he's got the biggest ego ever!!!! Just ask him and he'll tell you he's the best ever, according to him, he really is god's gift to man kind. Every saturday he comes into the store and lounges around and talks to us for an hour or so. So we know he's coming, so we figured we would have some fun with him. I busted out the old remote controled fart machine. I tapped it under the same chair he has sat in for at least 3 years, it's more like 5 years. Now the wait begins. He comes in and sits down and I can't just bust it out right away. I give it some time and he starts talking to us. That's when I hit it and the fart happens. He asks if we heard that, we all denied and we all had to hold back our laughs. Couple minutes later, I hit it again. This went on all night and finally at the end he starts catching on and is looking for it, but doesn't look under his chair. I do it again and tell him that the fart was nasty and he needs to control himself. After a couple more minutes he gets up and leaves. He will be back next week and so will the fart machine.