I really am nice

Sometimes people say that I bash on Jennifer to much and blah blah blah. So tonight I made up for it big time. On my own, without Jennifer knowing, I put up christmas decorations in front of the house and in the house.

Outside of the house I put up the giant inflatable snow glob that is like 8 feet tall. Also put up a snowman, but instead of snowballs, it's made out of ice cubes.

Also I put up the christmas tree in the house. It's the same christmas tree that we bought last year and never put it up.

If this doesn't get me laid, nothing will!!!

Porn for the holidays

My folks were in town over the holiday and it seemed like 1 thing was always brought up, PORN!!!! It happened 3 times that the topic came up. Oh my!!!

1) A while ago I bought an autographed picture of Morgana the Kissing Bandit for a friend, but the thing is, you just didn't get 1, you got 3 autographed naked pictures. So I gave one to my friend a while ago, but still have 2 pics laying around. So my parents friend is a complete geek and fountain of useless knowledge, yes more then me. I figured he would love something like this, single guy and all. So I tell Jennifer to go get the pics and show them to my mom. So, which picture does Jennifer show her, the pic with Morgana shocking a baseball player or does she show my mom the pic that has Morgana butt ass naked to the point that you can see her kidneys? So which one does she show??? Of course the kidney shot!!!! Thanks Jennifer!!!!

2) When my folks got to the house, I showed them how the tv worked. They have Direc TV, so do we, so it should be easy. I tell them we have every channel, except the porn channels. Well my old man is sitting on the couch watching tv and I'm in my office watching tv. He tells me to turn on channel 513 and asks me that he didn't think we got the porn channels. I told him we didn't and that he was just watching Cinemax, which I told him I call Skin-a-max!!! He continued watching the "Erotic Confessions" or whatever its called.

3) My mom is reading US Weekly and tells me that the girl I like broke up Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. I told her I read the same article and that it wasn't my girl. My mom says it's the porn star Jesse Jaymes that broke them up. I said that's not my girl. She said it was. Sooo....I went and got my autographed Pirates movies poster featuring Jesse Jane and then proved my mom wrong. Don't ever think my girl Jesse would break a marriage.

Ahhh porn for the holidays!!!!

Folks in Town

Folks are in town and they think they are here visiting, but in reality they are my construction workers. My old man spent about 8 hours building an office from Ikea. The best thing about building something from there is the directions. They don't have any written directions, just pictures of how to put it together. Also with the directions is a picture of a stick guy smiling. After putting it together, no one will be smiling. Ikea says they are cheap cause you build the stuff, well there stuff isn't cheap since I dropped close to a grand on the new stuff. But it looks real nice.

Breaking News

Holy shit this is big news, well according to the news, this is like earth shattering news. Here's the news........the airport is busy. They treat this like no one knows this and like it has never ever happened. It happens every year.

I'm going to give you another prediction, stores are going to be busy on friday. Trust me, this will happen. I should go work for a tv station so they know what to cover. Or maybe a psychic since I have an odd feeling that the stores will be really busy. Places like Walmart and Target, places like that will be packed. I just have a feeling this might happen on friday. Just maybe

LOCK!!!!!!!

Here's my next lock for you. Take the over, 44.5, for the Packers vs. Vikings game. 2 things about this game, 1) neither team has any defense and 2) they score a ton of points against each other no matter if they had a defense or not. Take the over, trust me!!!!

Hope for all of us

I know it sucks that Christina Aguilera got married this week, but here's the good news. The guy she got married to is so average looking, actually kind of dorkish, that if she would marry someone like him, then all of us dorks out there have a chance with a smoking hot girl like her.



See what I mean, what a tool

I need to be careful

See back at the old house, no one could really see the backyard since all the houses were at the right angles. But at the new house I need to be careful since I have people that can look into our backyard from there second floor houses. So now I can't go into the backyard anymore at like 2am when I let the dogs out and also go out there and pee myself. Also I can't just go walking around in my religious shorts anymore. There religious since they are holy, meaning they have alot of holes in them. I don't think anyone wants to see my ass hanging out while I am out watching the dogs.

Gambling

I can't get enough of advice guys on the radio trying to get you to call there 900 number and get there game of the week prediction for 1 low price. It seems like every week they have a game of the week, (fill in the blank football conference) game of the year, there 10 star lock of the year, I even heard one for a 12 star lock of the year. When is it to many stars??? I mean come on who are these people making these picks and what makes them experts. Well shit, here's my 28 star pick of the year. Take Utah +12 over BYU. Trust me on this one. Why should you trust me???? Well according to this one gambling website, I'm the 20th best picker in the country for college football and I'm the 14th best picker in the country for NFL football. See the NFL I know, college football I don't know so well, but I must know something, so trust me, Utah +12 is a lock. Don't believe me, go to pick2pick.com and look at the top 20 list for both the NFL and College football. TAKE Utah +12!!!!!!!!

I hate Lost

I hate the tv show Lost. Well I don't really hate it, I just am way into the show that it's driving me crazy. Why certain things happen on the show and the theories behind everything is driving me crazy. I guess it's a good show then since it makes me want more all the time.


Oh btw, good times, I got my laptop back today and it's better then ever, well I hope it is.

Breaking stuff

Jennifer was unpacking today and she cut herself on her hand when she broke my second favorite glass of all time. She made it seem like she was going to die from all the blood she lost. It was barely a cut and she blew it out of proportion. Well I'm bummed out cause she broke a favorite of mine, my Jabba the Hut Return of the Jedi Burger King glass. Here's a pic of what it use to look like. Well a picture of the good side of the glass




The good part is Princess Leia in her Gold Bikini











The bad news is she broke it, the good news is that I have like 3 more of them.

But if you are wondering what my favorite glass of all time is, well it's my Empire Strikes Back, Pimp Mo-Fo Lando Calrission glass.





Colt 45 bitches, it works everytime!!!!!

I like Walmart because...

I like Walmart because they have a really good rockin music selection playing over the store. Where else are you going to hear Jamariqui, "Canned Heat" plus you can pretty much guarantee everytime you go there you'll hear some great old bubble gum pop. Whether it's Mandy Moore, S Club 7, Spice Girls, they play it all, plus the popular bands too like BSB, Britney, and N'Sync. I want to be the Walmart PD, please!!!!

Ikea Land

Went to Ikea for the first time here in Phx. Been to the chicago one a few times, but not the Phx one. It had been a year since it opened, so it was the least I could do.

Ton of stuff there and everything had a crazy name to it. I've created the random Ikea product name generator. Just slam both hands down on your keyboard, aim for letters only, and ta-da, u have a product name from Ikea. Here's there new product, fdhjklgfds. I think it will sell really good.

Thought about buying a desk named swahsakl. It's like a kidney sized desk that you remember from school. It might fit into the house real nice. Maybe will go back there in a bit and will get it.

RIP Latino Heat

Wrestler Eddie Guerrero died today. Here I am with him




From left to right, Chris Benoit, Me, and Eddie. He had his sweet ass mullet back then. He'll be missed

Scardy cat.... I mean dog

My dog Blu is scared to death of everything. Tonight a soceer ball landed in our backyard and little Blu was scared to death of it. She wouldn't go up to it at all. she got a little close, but wouldn't get right by it. She's also afraid of going into the junk bedroom. There's a lifesize autographed cutout of Mandy Moore in there. She sees it and just barks away at it as if Mandy was going to get her.

Friday fun

Why is that a walmart greeter can't say hello to you. That's your f'n job, do it.

Tonight we are finally finished with all things involved with the old house. The movers packed up the remote for a ceiling fan and the instruction manuals for all the appliances. Plus Jennifer forgot to give back her front gate remote. So the old realtor will be picking it up tonight.

Around 7pm last night the door bell rang and I rounded up the dogs and answered the door, 1 dog in each hand. They asked if Jay was home, I told him that they moved. He wondered if we had a forwarding address for him. I told him I didn't. Guess Jay wasn't to good of a friend of his if he never told him he was moving.

I would

I always said that if I was dating a girl I don't think I could have a 3 way with her and another girl cause I would get jealous that maybe they were into each other a little to much and I wasn't doing a good enough job. Well that's changed when I heard the story about the 2 carolina panther cheerleaders who got busted for getting it on in a bathroom. Here's there mugshot:











I'd be ok with it with them since they really are into each other and seem to enjoy each others company.

BTW I think the girl on the right looks a little bit like Claire Daines. Just a little bit

Yo Homie!!!

Homie does play that, here's the shack bitches. Yeah I know the pictures suck, but deal with it. Nothing is in the pictures so it's hard to tell what's what. Once we unpack I will redo the pics, so you will see them in a few years




Master bedroom with opening to bathroom









Master Bath








Hallway to spare bedrooms









Kitchen area







Big backyard for the dogs








Office area








Living room








More living room








Kitchen again









Front of the house

Amen

Have internet at home!!! Can now continue my life again at some sort of level, or at least try to. Will post pictures of the house later tonight

No hot water

So I stink right now, not really. Going to go to the old house today after work and heat up.

Still no update on any new stuff at the house. Might get internet today, so I can look at porn while sitting on the floor since I don't have a new desk yet.

Moved

Well I'm blogging at Kinkos right now since we don't have the internet at home yet. Here's what else we don't have:

1) Hot Water (No Gas)
2) Internet
3) Cable
4) Telephone
5) Anything unpacked

Other then that, things are going great in the new house. Now if I can just get work figured out I'll be even better. My laptop got picked up by HP and I hope it will be fixed soon. Yeah life!!!!

Moving Day

Don't know when I will post again since laptop is dead still and we are moving today and I don't know when I will get internet at the new house. But before I go on vacation, here's my damn smooth Magnum P.I. costume from halloween.





Damn, I'm smooth!!!!